Monday, March 27, 2006

Hotel speak….

Whilst I try and organize somewhere to sleep in Moscow for my holiday I am being entertained by some of the descriptions that these hotels have….

Hotel Tourist is a lovely tourist class hotel situated in a very green area of Moscow. – middle of bloody nowhere

The building itself is one of Moscow´s Stalin buildings and has an atmosphere reminiscent of the time of Stalin – and we all know what a lovely atmosphere that was

Unrenovated, outdated furniture, private bathroom with bath, shower and WC, table and armchairs, satellite TV, refrigerator – nothing like brutal upselling tactics

Elegant spacious rooms – each with unique layout – professional staff, moderate prices and broad payment alternatives – would you accept two cats in payment

The western management keeps things ticking over smoothly at the Slavyanskaya, which is nicknamed “Chechenskaya” because of its connections with Moscow’s influential Chechen business community – take arms….

The interior of the onsite restaurant, designed in the cosy style, is a large dining room for 500 persons – how cosy; only 500 people!

The colour scheme is an unoffensive mix of pastels once again. - ????

And the award for the most confusing name goes to…..
Best Eastern East West


And the award for the hotel I am least likely to get home to after a bottle of Vodka
Radisson Slavyanskaya, Berezhkovskaya Naberezhnaya
(actually the vodka may help!)



And the size of the hotels….

Izmailovo Gamma-Delta – 1,972 rooms in that block, however 7,500 in the complex
Rossiya Hotel – 2,722
Ukraina - 950

Not to mention how expensive they are.....

4 Comments:

Anonymous frayed said...

this was a really funny post. Torn & I stayed in one of those Stalinist hotels. Well, it was atmospheric to say the least. Wonder why they didn't use words like old-fashioned, charming, vintage, period pieces.. unrenovated, outdated??? ha ha ha

4:57 pm  
Blogger the englishman said...

two cats seems pretty expensive to me

12:58 pm  
Blogger Madame Chiang said...

not if I gave them my two....aka The trash can kittens.....pulled from a trash can behind Sogo in HKG!

1:32 pm  
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4:50 pm  

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