Clarity....

The other evening I had a friend round for a drink...

Whilst I was pottering..organising wine etc he asked to check the news headlines...so I gave him my laptop....the background picture is of a friend of mine...one of whom I am particularly fond...and male...so my friendly visitor asked who he was and why he was on my 'background'.....the latter is easier to answer - I just like the picture...it was a particularly fun day and this picture was quite out of character for him as he was actually acting in a fairly carefree way...at least for him.

As to who he is....well the practicalities are that he used to be a work colleague of mine..now working elsewhere, we still keep in touch...see each other about once a year...whenever I see him I run through the full ring of emotions...happy to see him, intensely irritated because he can aggravate me...sometimes on purpose I am sure, angry because I don't see him often enough, some other connection I can't really define - similar thoughts on many things - same professional field and interests and finally I guess I would have to admit that some small corner of me is in love with him. Realistically I know that this is quite ridiculous...but as we all know emotions are hard to reason with.

So I tried to explain all this to my visitor - in a far more round about and unclear way with probably a lot of waffling!....he sat for a while...looked at me and then said so "he is the man by which you judge all others".....and actually he had hit the nail on the head.....and I had never realised...